“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.”

—Anthony Robbins

Today, in one of my weekly trainings, I shared about the Pain-Pleasure Principle (PPP) that was popularised by Anthony Robbins. The PPP explains that all decisions and choices that we make in life are motivated by either:

• gaining the pleasure of; or
• avoiding the pain of not

making those decisions and choices.

Think about it. You’ve made the choice of getting into that job, relationship or business at some point in time. You did it probably because of the promises you saw in it. Or you probably did it because of the pain of not having it. Either way, you were motivated by the PPP.

In the training today, I asked the participants what were the motivating factors (pleasure) behind their reasons to want to achieve success in life. Most shouted out the promises of having more time and money freedom, the sense of achievement and the ability to leave a legacy for their generations to come. I then asked them about what were the pain of not achieving success. They shouted even louder this time. “Being looked down at”, “Being criticised”, “Tarnished reputation”, “Being broke”, “Feeling like a loser” etc. were just some of the most common reasons.

“People change only when they hurt enough that they have to, learn enough that they want to, or receive enough that they are able to.”

—John C. Maxwell

Personally, I believe that one of the ways to use pain and pleasure effectively is to:

1. list down in a piece of paper all the pleasure you will gain from making that decision or choice and taking the necessary actions; and
2. on another piece of paper, list down all the pain you will get for NOT taking the necessary actions and thus not having the results you desired.

The first list will be your source of motivation and willpower. Look into this list whenever you feel that you are about to breakdown or give up. These are your intentions—your very reasons for doing what you’re doing.

The second list will be your source of urgency. Look into this list whenever you feel like you’re not fast enough in achieving your results, or stagnant. Many people completely ignore this list because they fear being reminded of the things in this list so they can avoid taking actions and thus avoiding the responsibilities to make things happen. But we all know that we owe it to ourselves to create what we want in life, and no one else.

If it’s to be, it’s up to me.

You only have one life in this lifetime. Own it. Live it. Make it the best life you’ve ever had in this lifetime.

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When you have set the desired thermal range and the temperature in the room approaches the edge of your desired thermal range, the thermostat sends an electrical signal to the air-conditioner to turn it on or off. As the temperature in the room begins to change, the electrical signals continue to respond to the changes and keep the temperature within the desired range.

Eventually, the room temperature always remains at the thermal range you have set.

Your comfort zone works the same way too.

But instead of electrical signals, your internal performance regulator uses discomfort signals to keep you within your comfort zone. In fact, you have an internal psychological thermostat that regulates your level of performance in the world—and governs everything you do, want and have.

Think of your comfort zone as a prison—a large, self-created prison.

It consists of the collection of can’ts, don’ts, musts, must nots and other disempowering and limiting beliefs formed from all the negative thoughts and decisions you have accumulated and reinforced during your lifetime.

As your behaviour or performance begins to approach the edge of that zone, you begin to feel uncomfortable. To avoid the discomfort, you unconsciously pull yourself back into your comfort zone.

• Some people are comfortable as long as they have $1,000 in their savings account. Some are uncomfortable unless they have 6 months’ income put aside (say, $24,000). Still, some are comfortable with no savings at all plus a credit card debt of $25,000!
• Some people are comfortable with staying in a budget inn when they go travelling. Some are only comfortable with a 3-star hotel or above. Some are only comfortable staying in a 5-star or above.
• Some people are comfortable with long hair. Some are comfortable with short hair. There are also some who are totally uncomfortable with no hair!
• Some people are uncomfortable with being late, but we all know there are some who are totally comfortable with being late.

When you are not comfortable with the way things are, you will do something about it. You will request for a better arrangement, demand for a replacement, negotiate, bargain… anything. You will do something about it.

The fact that you have never done something about it shows that you have already conditioned yourself to be OK with what is. For so many times, we have sold ourselves short, tolerated with mediocrity in life, accepted a lower standard than what we deserve… convincing ourselves that “it’s OK”.

Here’s an example:

A salesperson had a goal to present his services to at least 3 prospects a day. If he upheld his thermostat at that level, he would be comfortable as long as he had presented to 3 people on any given day. If he had not presented to 3 people by evening, he would probably go meet people at night just to be comfortable with his goal. Likewise, if he had met 3 people in the morning, he would probably slack off for the entire day.

Let’s say he had a colleague, who didn’t stand firm on his thermostat and accepted mediocrity as his standard. He also had a goal to present to 3 people a day. One day, he was only able to meet 2 people by the end of the day. He then told himself, “It’s OK. 2 is better than none. It’s still not bad.” That moment, he had allowed himself to accept something less than he wanted to achieve. Soon, he would be comfortable with just meeting 2, 1 or no prospects on any given day. When he had been accustomed to that new but low standard for himself, it then becomes harder for him to reset his standard back to meeting 3 people a day as that would become uncomfortable for him for it is outside of his comfort zone.

Therefore, we must always be aware of the comfort zone we have unconsciously set for ourselves for all areas of our life. If you’re not happy with the way things are in your life, do something about it. Don’t let fear pin you down to inaction. Start doing something… anything. Just get up and get going.

You only have one life.
Make it the best you’ve ever had.

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The real meaning of: Satisfaction

In Latin, the word satis means “enough”. Combine satis-of-action (enough of action) and you get satisfaction. Now you know clearly that enough action ultimately produces satisfaction.

Quit Waiting

It’s time to quit waiting for:

• perfection
• inspiration
• permission
• reassurance
• approval
• acceptance
• someone to change
• something to change
• someone to buy from you
• the right person to come along
• the kids to leave home
• a better feng shui
• a better horoscope prediction
• the fear to disappear
• the risk to disappear
• someone to discover your talent
• instructions
• more self-confidence
• more courage
• the pain to go away
• the right timing
• the next New Year
• your spouse to get in the mood
• the next promotion
• the next increment
• the perfect customer to come by
• your downlines to change
• your siblings to apologise
• the interviewer to call
• your surroundings to change
• someone to understand your situation
• luck
• the next big break
• your mood to change

Just stop waiting and move on already.

Quit waiting for the next raise to afford that downpayment. Start doing something now to get you closer to affording it. Quit waiting for your mood to change to start doing something. Start doing something to get yourself in the mood. Quit waiting for that uncertain promotion from your boss. Ask him/her what does it take for you to get that promotion and start acting on it already. Quit waiting for another New Year’s Eve to start creating your resolutions. Start with one of your biggest goals and start taking actions towards it already.

Nobody says it better than Nike does:

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“When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you’re 40, you don’t give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you’re 60, you realize nobody’s been thinking about you at all.”

Surprise, surprise! Most of the time, nobody’s thinking about you at all!

They are too busy worrying about their own lives, and if they are thinking about you at all, they are wondering what you are thinking about them!

People think about themselves, not you.

All the time you are wasting worrying about what other people think about your ideas, your goals, your clothes, your hair, and your home could all be better spent on thinking about and doing the things that will achieve your goals.

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“It’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much,” he said. “Let me tell you something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities. You see, one day I sat down and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and came up with 3,900, which is the number of Sundays that the average person has in his lifetime.

“It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail,” he continued, “and by that time I had lived through over 2,800 Sundays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.”

He went on to explain that he bought 1,000 marbles and put them in a clear plastic container in his favourite work area at home. “Every Sunday since then,” he said, “I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There’s nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.”

Then the older gentleman finished, “Now let me tell you one last thought before I sign off and take my lovely wife out to breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Sunday, then I have been given a little extra time.”

We can’t choose whether we will get any more time, but we can choose what we do with it. You write your own destiny. Make the most of the time and talent that God gives you.

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Do you have The Difference? And, if not—how can you get it? Jean shares the eight things that matter most to help you become financially free.

Happiness and Optimism

Source: Jean Chatzky on Oprah.com

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When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.

The following poem “Am I True To Myself?” by Edgar Guest will serve as a “Mirror Test” to evaluate how you’re doing to build your life on the foundation of integrity.

I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know,
I want to be able, as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand, with the setting sun,
And hate myself for things I have done.
I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf
I want to be able to like myself.
I don’t want to look at myself and know
That I’m bluster and bluff and empty show.
I can never hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

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The most important aspect of the Myers-Briggs® type theory is that all types are equal and that every type has value.

Four of the following eight preferences make up a person’s MBTI® type, also called psychological or personality type:

• Extraversion [E] or Introversion [I] (more info here)
• Sensing [S] or iNtuition [N] (more info here)
• Thinking [T] or Feeling [F] (more info here)
• Judging [J] or Perceiving [P] (more info here)

As you act on your type preferences, you create a unique approach to the world, to information, to decisions, and to other people.

My MBTI® type is called The Giver.

The Giver defined:-

As a Giver, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

Givers are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. Givers’ main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because Givers’ people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people’s skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. Givers’ motives are usually unselfish.

Givers are so externally focused that it’s especially important for them to spend time alone. Givers tend to define their life’s direction and priorities according to other people’s needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It’s natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people’s needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don’t sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

Givers tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they’re likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they’re likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that a Giver does not have opinions. Givers have definite values and opinions which they’re able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they’re not too personal. A Giver is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person’s need, they are highly likely to value the other person’s needs.

People love Givers. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually Givers exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

Givers like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, Givers do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others.

Givers do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don’t understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they’re forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future.

Givers have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

Givers have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They’re very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

In general, Givers are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes a Giver a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as a Giver is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

If you know me well, what do you think of the accuracy of my MBTI® type?

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We must be very careful about the metaphors we allow ourselves to use. Be careful of the metaphors that other people offer you as well.We must take charge of our metaphors, not just to avoid the problem metaphors, but so that we can adopt the empowering metaphors as well.

The scary part is that most of us have never consciously selected the metaphors with which we represent things to ourselves. Where did you get your metaphors? You probably picked them up from people around you, from your parents, teachers, co-workers and friends. Have you ever thought of the impact these metaphors has on you? Have the metaphors just became a habit?

For years, people asked me what it was I did exactly. At various times I tried different metaphors—”I’m a teacher,” “I’m a student,” “I’m a hunter of human excellence,” “I’m a speaker,” I’m a national best-selling author,” “I’m a peak performance consultant,” “I’m a therapist,” “I’m a counselor”—but none of them conveyed the right feeling. People gave me plenty of metaphors. I was known by many in the media as a “guru.” This is a metaphor I avoided because I felt that the presupposition that went with it was that people were dependent upon me to create their change—which would never empower them. Since I believe that we all must be responsible for our own change, I avoided this metaphor.

One day, though, I finally got it. “I’m a coach,” I thought. What is a coach? To me, a coach is a person who is your friend, someone who really cares about you. A coach is committed to helping you be the best that you can be. A coach will challenge you, not let you off the hook. Coaches have knowledge and experience because they’ve been there before. They aren’t any better than the people they are coaching (this took away my need to have to be perfect for the people I was “teaching”). In fact, the people they coach may have natural abilities superior to their own. But because coaches have concentrated their power in a particular area for years, they can teach you one or two distinctions that can immediately transform your performance in a matter of moments.

Sometimes coaches can teach you new information, new strategies and skills; they show you how to get measurable results. Sometimes a coach doesn’t even teach you something new, but they remind you of what you need to do at just the right moment, and they push you to do it. I thought, “What I truly am is a success coach. I help to coach people on how to achieve what they really want more quickly and more easily.” And everyone needs a coach, whether it’s a top-level executive, a graduate student, a homemaker, a homeless person, or the president of the United States! As soon as I started using this metaphor, it immediately changed the way I felt about myself. I felt less stressed, more relaxed; I felt closer to people. I didn’t have to be “perfect” or “better”. I began to have more fun, and my impact on people multiplied many-fold.

—Anthony Robbins

Source: Awaken The Giant Within (Anthony Robbins)

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1) Maximize Your Income

• Set an income goal.
• Ask for a raise.
• Work an extra hour a week.
• Learn more about making more.

2) Spend Less Than You Make

• Pause before you purchase.
• Pay bills on time.
• Use a debit card.
• Shop around.
• Find extra money for your savings.

3) Invest Money You Don’t Spend

• Save automatically.
• Earn more interest.
• Build your money confidence with Jean’s investment basics.

4) Protect Your Money

• Get insurance.
• Get a will.
• Get an account in your name.
• Learn how to better secure your future.

Source: Jean Chatzky on Oprah.com

Read also: How To Automate Your Income

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