Cheanu's Official Blog » Leadership & Motivation

Do Pain And Pleasure Use You?

Cheanu — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 21:13:56 +0000

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.”

—Anthony Robbins

Today, in one of my weekly trainings, I shared about the Pain-Pleasure Principle (PPP) that was popularised by Anthony Robbins. The PPP explains that all decisions and choices that we make in life are motivated by either:

gaining the pleasure of; or
avoiding the pain of not

making those decisions and choices.

Think about it. You’ve made the choice of getting into that job, relationship or business at some point in time. You did it probably because of the promises you saw in it. Or you probably did it because of the pain of not having it. Either way, you were motivated by the PPP.

In the training today, I asked the participants what were the motivating factors (pleasure) behind their reasons to want to achieve success in life. Most shouted out the promises of having more time and money freedom, the sense of achievement and the ability to leave a legacy for their generations to come. I then asked them about what were the pain of not achieving success. They shouted even louder this time. “Being looked down at”, “Being criticised”, “Tarnished reputation”, “Being broke”, “Feeling like a loser” etc. were just some of the most common reasons.

“People change only when they hurt enough that they have to, learn enough that they want to, or receive enough that they are able to.”

—John C. Maxwell

Personally, I believe that one of the ways to use pain and pleasure effectively is to:

list down in a piece of paper all the pleasure you will gain from making that decision or choice and taking the necessary actions; and
on another piece of paper, list down all the pain you will get for NOT taking the necessary actions and thus not having the results you desired.

The first list will be your source of motivation and willpower. Look into this list whenever you feel that you are about to breakdown or give up. These are your intentions—your very reasons for doing what you’re doing.

The second list will be your source of urgency. Look into this list whenever you feel like you’re not fast enough in achieving your results, or stagnant. Many people completely ignore this list because they fear being reminded of the things in this list so they can avoid taking actions and thus avoiding the responsibilities to make things happen. But we all know that we owe it to ourselves to create what we want in life, and no one else.

If it’s to be, it’s up to me.

You only have one life in this lifetime. Own it. Live it. Make it the best life you’ve ever had in this lifetime.

Is Your Comfort Zone Killing You?

Cheanu — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 11:33:12 +0000

Have you ever noticed how the thermostat works?

When you have set the desired thermal range and the temperature in the room approaches the edge of your desired thermal range, the thermostat sends an electrical signal to the air-conditioner to turn it on or off. As the temperature in the room begins to change, the electrical signals continue to respond to the changes and keep the temperature within the desired range.

Eventually, the room temperature always remains at the thermal range you have set.

Your comfort zone works the same way too.

But instead of electrical signals, your internal performance regulator uses discomfort signals to keep you within your comfort zone. In fact, you have an internal psychological thermostat that regulates your level of performance in the world—and governs everything you do, want and have.

Think of your comfort zone as a prison—a large, self-created prison.

It consists of the collection of can’ts, don’ts, musts, must nots and other disempowering and limiting beliefs formed from all the negative thoughts and decisions you have accumulated and reinforced during your lifetime.

As your behaviour or performance begins to approach the edge of that zone, you begin to feel uncomfortable. To avoid the discomfort, you unconsciously pull yourself back into your comfort zone.

Some people are comfortable as long as they have $1,000 in their savings account. Some are uncomfortable unless they have 6 months’ income put aside (say, $24,000). Still, some are comfortable with no savings at all plus a credit card debt of $25,000!
Some people are comfortable with staying in a budget inn when they go travelling. Some are only comfortable with a 3-star hotel or above. Some are only comfortable staying in a 5-star or above.
Some people are comfortable with long hair. Some are comfortable with short hair. There are also some who are totally uncomfortable with no hair!
Some people are uncomfortable with being late, but we all know there are some who are totally comfortable with being late.

When you are not comfortable with the way things are, you will do something about it. You will request for a better arrangement, demand for a replacement, negotiate, bargain… anything. You will do something about it.

The fact that you have never done something about it shows that you have already conditioned yourself to be OK with what is. For so many times, we have sold ourselves short, tolerated with mediocrity in life, accepted a lower standard than what we deserve… convincing ourselves that “it’s OK”.

Here’s an example:

A salesperson had a goal to present his services to at least 3 prospects a day. If he upheld his thermostat at that level, he would be comfortable as long as he had presented to 3 people on any given day. If he had not presented to 3 people by evening, he would probably go meet people at night just to be comfortable with his goal. Likewise, if he had met 3 people in the morning, he would probably slack off for the entire day.

Let’s say he had a colleague, who didn’t stand firm on his thermostat and accepted mediocrity as his standard. He also had a goal to present to 3 people a day. One day, he was only able to meet 2 people by the end of the day. He then told himself, “It’s OK. 2 is better than none. It’s still not bad.” That moment, he had allowed himself to accept something less than he wanted to achieve. Soon, he would be comfortable with just meeting 2, 1 or no prospects on any given day. When he had been accustomed to that new but low standard for himself, it then becomes harder for him to reset his standard back to meeting 3 people a day as that would become uncomfortable for him for it is outside of his comfort zone.

Therefore, we must always be aware of the comfort zone we have unconsciously set for ourselves for all areas of our life. If you’re not happy with the way things are in your life, do something about it. Don’t let fear pin you down to inaction. Start doing something… anything. Just get up and get going.

You only have one life.
Make it the best you’ve ever had.

Take Action!

Cheanu — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 10:48:00 +0000

The world doesn’t pay you for what you know; it pays you for what you do. Even with scores of success principles we can easily find from the Internet, books, workshops, seminars, articles and many more age-old advices that tell us that taking action is the only thing that creates results, it’s surprising how many people still get bogged down in analysing, planning, organising and waiting for the right time when what they really need to do is TAKE ACTION.

The real meaning of: Satisfaction

In Latin, the word satis means “enough”. Combine satis-of-action (enough of action) and you get satisfaction. Now you know clearly that enough action ultimately produces satisfaction.

Quit Waiting

It’s time to quit waiting for:

perfection
inspiration
permission
reassurance
approval
acceptance
someone to change
something to change
someone to buy from you
the right person to come along
the kids to leave home
a better feng shui
a better horoscope prediction
the fear to disappear
the risk to disappear
someone to discover your talent
instructions
more self-confidence
more courage
the pain to go away
the right timing
the next New Year
your spouse to get in the mood
the next promotion
the next increment
the perfect customer to come by
your downlines to change
your siblings to apologise
the interviewer to call
your surroundings to change
someone to understand your situation
luck
the next big break
your mood to change

Just stop waiting and move on already.

Quit waiting for the next raise to afford that downpayment. Start doing something now to get you closer to affording it. Quit waiting for your mood to change to start doing something. Start doing something to get yourself in the mood. Quit waiting for that uncertain promotion from your boss. Ask him/her what does it take for you to get that promotion and start acting on it already. Quit waiting for another New Year’s Eve to start creating your resolutions. Start with one of your biggest goals and start taking actions towards it already.

Nobody says it better than Nike does:

Our Time On Earth

Cheanu — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 03:44:45 +0000

I recently read a story about life and priorities. It’s a story of a ham radio operator who one day overheard an older gentleman giving advice to a younger man on the air.

“It’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much,” he said. “Let me tell you something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities. You see, one day I sat down and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and came up with 3,900, which is the number of Sundays that the average person has in his lifetime.

“It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail,” he continued, “and by that time I had lived through over 2,800 Sundays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.”

He went on to explain that he bought 1,000 marbles and put them in a clear plastic container in his favourite work area at home. “Every Sunday since then,” he said, “I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There’s nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.”

Then the older gentleman finished, “Now let me tell you one last thought before I sign off and take my lovely wife out to breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Sunday, then I have been given a little extra time.”

We can’t choose whether we will get any more time, but we can choose what we do with it. You write your own destiny. Make the most of the time and talent that God gives you.

Leadership And Integrity

Cheanu — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 06:08:05 +0000

Integrity is the glue that holds our way of life together. We must constantly strive to keep our integrity intact.

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.

The following poem “Am I True To Myself?” by Edgar Guest will serve as a “Mirror Test” to evaluate how you’re doing to build your life on the foundation of integrity.

I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know,
I want to be able, as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand, with the setting sun,
And hate myself for things I have done.
I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf
I want to be able to like myself.
I don’t want to look at myself and know
That I’m bluster and bluff and empty show.
I can never hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

What Is Your Life Metaphor?

Cheanu — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:54:35 +0000

What is a metaphor? Whenever we explain or communicate a concept by likening it to something else, we are using a metaphor.

We must be very careful about the metaphors we allow ourselves to use. Be careful of the metaphors that other people offer you as well.We must take charge of our metaphors, not just to avoid the problem metaphors, but so that we can adopt the empowering metaphors as well.

The scary part is that most of us have never consciously selected the metaphors with which we represent things to ourselves. Where did you get your metaphors? You probably picked them up from people around you, from your parents, teachers, co-workers and friends. Have you ever thought of the impact these metaphors has on you? Have the metaphors just became a habit?

For years, people asked me what it was I did exactly. At various times I tried different metaphors—”I’m a teacher,” “I’m a student,” “I’m a hunter of human excellence,” “I’m a speaker,” I’m a national best-selling author,” “I’m a peak performance consultant,” “I’m a therapist,” “I’m a counselor”—but none of them conveyed the right feeling. People gave me plenty of metaphors. I was known by many in the media as a “guru.” This is a metaphor I avoided because I felt that the presupposition that went with it was that people were dependent upon me to create their change—which would never empower them. Since I believe that we all must be responsible for our own change, I avoided this metaphor.

One day, though, I finally got it. “I’m a coach,” I thought. What is a coach? To me, a coach is a person who is your friend, someone who really cares about you. A coach is committed to helping you be the best that you can be. A coach will challenge you, not let you off the hook. Coaches have knowledge and experience because they’ve been there before. They aren’t any better than the people they are coaching (this took away my need to have to be perfect for the people I was “teaching”). In fact, the people they coach may have natural abilities superior to their own. But because coaches have concentrated their power in a particular area for years, they can teach you one or two distinctions that can immediately transform your performance in a matter of moments.

Sometimes coaches can teach you new information, new strategies and skills; they show you how to get measurable results. Sometimes a coach doesn’t even teach you something new, but they remind you of what you need to do at just the right moment, and they push you to do it. I thought, “What I truly am is a success coach. I help to coach people on how to achieve what they really want more quickly and more easily.” And everyone needs a coach, whether it’s a top-level executive, a graduate student, a homemaker, a homeless person, or the president of the United States! As soon as I started using this metaphor, it immediately changed the way I felt about myself. I felt less stressed, more relaxed; I felt closer to people. I didn’t have to be “perfect” or “better”. I began to have more fun, and my impact on people multiplied many-fold.

—Anthony Robbins

Source: Awaken The Giant Within (Anthony Robbins)

The Magic Of Thinking Big

Cheanu — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 02:59:26 +0000

There is magic in thinking big. But it is so easy to forget. When you hit some rough spots there is danger that your thinking will shrink in size. And when it does, you lose.

Below are some brief guides for staying big when you’re tempted to use the small approach.

Perhaps you’ll want to put these guides on small cards for even handier reference.

(A) When Little People Try to Drive You Down, THINK BIG.

To be sure, there are some people who want you to lose, to experience misfortune, to be reprimanded. But these people can’t hurt you if you’ll remember three things:

You win when you refuse to fight petty people. Fighting little people reduces you to their size. Stay big.
Expect to be sniped at. It’s proof you’re growing.
Remind yourself that snipers are psychologically sick. Be Big. Feel sorry for them.

Think Big Enough to be immune to attacks of petty people.

(B) When That “I-Haven’t-Got-What-It-Takes” Feeling Creeps Up On You, THINK BIG.

Remember: if you think you are weak, you are. If you think you’re inadequate, you are. If you think you’re second-class, you are. Whip that natural tendency to sell yourself short with these tools:

Look important. It helps you think important. How you look on the outside has a lot to do with how you feel on the inside.
Concentrate on your assets. Build a sell-yourself-on-yourself commercial and use it. Learn to supercharge yourself. Know your positive self.
Put other people in proper perspective. The other person is just another human being, so why be afraid of him?

Think Big Enough to see how good you really are!

(C) When an Argument or Quarrel Seems Inevitable, THINK BIG.

Successfully resist the temptation to argue and quarrel by:

Asking yourself, “Honestly now, is this thing really important enough to argue about?”
Reminding yourself, you never gain anything from an argument but you always lose something.

Think Big Enough to see that quarrels, arguments, feuds and fusses will never help you get where you want to go.

(D) When You Feel Defeated, THINK BIG.

It is not possible to achieve large success without hardships and setbacks. But it is possible to live the rest of your life without defeat. Big thinkers react to setbacks this way:

Regard the setback as a lesson. Learn from it. Research it. Use it to propel you forward. Salvage something from every setback.
Blend persistence with experimentation. Back off and start afresh with a new approach.

Think Big Enough to see that defeat is a state of mind, nothing more.

(E) When Romance Starts to Slip, THINK BIG.

Negative, petty, “She’s-(He’s)-unfair-to-me-so-I’ll-get-even” type of thinking slaughters romance, destroys the affection that can be yours. Do this when things aren’t going right in the love department:

Concentrate on the biggest qualities in the person you want to love you. Put little things where they belong—in second place.
Do something special for your mate—and do it often.

Think Big Enough to find the secret to marital joys.

(F) When You Feel Your Progress on the Job is Slowing Down, THINK BIG.

No matter what you do and regardless of your occupation, higher status, higher pay comes from one thing: Increasing the quality and quantity of your output. Do this:

Think: “I can do better.” The best is not unattainable. There is room for doing everything better. Nothing in this world is being done as well as it could be. And when you think, “I can do better,” ways to do better will appear. Thinking “I can do better” switches on your creative power.

Think Big Enough to see that if you put service first, money takes care of itself.

Source: The Magic of Thinking Big (Dr. David J. Schwartz, Ph.D.)

55 Famous Alibis

Cheanu — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 03:36:09 +0000

People who do not succeed have one distinguishing trait in common: They know all the reasons for failure, and have what they believe to be airtight alibis to explain away their own lack of achievement.

Some of these alibis are clever, and a few of them are justifiable by the facts. But alibis cannot be used for money. The world wants to know only one thing: Have you achieved success?

A character analyst compiled a list of the most commonly used alibis. As you read the list, examine yourself carefully and determine how many of these alibis, if any, are your own property:

IF only I didn’t have a wife and family . . .
IF only I had enough “pull” . . .
IF only I had money . . .
IF only I had good education . . .
IF only I could get a job . . .
IF only I had good health . . .
IF only I had time . . .
IF only times were better . . .
IF only other people understood me . . .
IF only conditions around me were different . . .
IF only I could live my life over again . . .
IF only I did not fear what “they” would say . . .
IF only I had been given a chance . . .
IF only I now had a chance . . .
IF only other people didn’t “have it in for me” . . .
IF only nothing happened to stop me . . .
IF only I were younger . . .
IF only I could do what I want . . .
IF only I had been born rich . . .
IF only I could meet “the right people” . . .
IF only I had the talent some people have . . .
IF only I dared assert myself . . .
IF only I had embraced past opportunities . . .
IF only people didn’t get on my nerves . . .
IF only I didn’t have to keep house and look after the children . . .
IF only I could save some money . . .
IF only the boss appreciated me . . .
IF only I had somebody to help me . . .
IF only my family understood me . . .
IF only I lived in a big city . . .
IF only I could just get started . . .
IF only I were free . . .
IF only I had the personality of some people . . .
IF only I were not so fat . . .
IF only my talents were known . . .
IF only I could just get a “break” . . .
IF only I could get out of debt . . .
IF only I hadn’t failed . . .
IF only I knew how . . .
IF only everybody didn’t oppose me . . .
IF only I didn’t have so many worries . . .
IF only I could marry the right person . . .
IF only people weren’t so dumb . . .
IF only my family were not so extravagant . . .
IF only I were sure of myself . . .
IF only luck were not against me . . .
IF only I had not been born under the wrong star . . .
IF only it were not true that “what is to be will be” . . .
IF only I did not have to work so hard . . .
IF only I hadn’t lost my money . . .
IF only I lived in a different neighbourhood . . .
IF only I didn’t have a “past” . . .
IF only I had a business of my own . . .
IF only other people would listen to me . . .
IF only―and this is the greatest of them all―I had the courage to see myself as I really am, I would find out what is wrong with me and correct it. Then I might have a chance to profit by my mistakes and learn something from the experience of others. I know there is something wrong with me or I would now be where I would have been if I had spent more time analysing my weaknesses, and less time building alibis to cover them.

Building alibis with which to explain away failure is a habit as old as the human race, and is fatal to success! Why do people cling to their pet alibis? The answer is obvious. They defend their alibis because they create them!

Life is a checker board, and the player opposite you is time. If you hesitate before moving, or neglect to move promptly, your checkers will be wiped off the board by time. You are playing against a partner who will not tolerate indecision!

Source: Think and Grow Rich (Napoleon Hill)

4 Crucial Characteristics Of Leadership

Cheanu — Sat, 31 May 2008 05:57:35 +0000

I’ve been passionately involved with a leadership program for the past 3 months. It’s really exciting and inspiring to observe a great stream of passion and a fountain of love flowing around a group of 20 people from all walks of lives, who come together with only one powerful intention: To make a difference in the lives of others.

They’ve shown me that age is never a barrier towards achieving extraordinary results in life. The only things that matter are the 4 very crucial characteristics of leadership, as followed:

Compelling Desire
It takes not just a desire, but a Compelling Desire to achieve something great. You need to feel emotionally connected to your goals in order for you to get started with full of energy to get going towards accomplishing your goals. Many people set goals they are not emotionally connected to. Often they find the goals getting more and more out of reach as time goes by. This happens because you don’t feel a sense of ownership of the goals you’ve set. The goals seem so far away from you. So you need to start “feeling” your goals and get emotionally connected to them in order for you to get started, with passion. Keep asking yourself why you want to accomplish the goals. Keep asking why until you get to the deepest core reason that will move you forward.
Solid Belief
In times of turbulence, you need to find something solid to stand on so that you won’t fall even if everything around you is falling apart. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. Have faith in yourself in whatever you do. Find something you are certain about yourself and your ability. Keep affirming to yourself what you’re absolutely certain about. Keep expanding your list of affirmation of what you’re certain about. Keep repeating your self affirmation to yourself. You will find them very valuable in times of challenges. Believing is the beginning. A solid belief is everything.
Effective Actions
Often times, people do a lot of activities without accomplishing anything. Activities keep us busy, and may not necessarily have a specific direction at the end. Accomplishment, on the other hand, comes with an intention. If you’ve gotten emotionally connected with your goals and dreams, and you’ve affirmed yourself about the things you’re absolutely certain about and form a solid belief around them, then you start taking actions towards accomplishing them. There are times when our actions are not producing the results we want at the end. Go back to the first 2 steps. Are you still compelled to accomplish your goals? Do you still have a solid belief about accomplishing them? If no, then repeat the processes mentioned above. If yes, then change your course of actions so that you can start producing different results. Remember, insanity means doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. Keep changing your course of actions until you get the results you want.
Iron Will
This final crucial characteristic is self explanatory. It’s about persistence. No diamonds are produced without great pressure put on producing them. It is in times of hardship and critical moments that you need to draw out your iron will. Keep persisting and persevering with a compelling desire and a solid belief, and then keep taking effective actions, changing your course of actions as and when needed. Keep pushing forward. Keep your passion burning. Keep your belief alive. Have faith in yourself and in everything you do. A bad result is not bad if you learn from it and move on wiser after each encounter. Success is not measured by how many times you’ve failed, but how many times you stand up again after each failure. You will achieve great things eventually if you persist long enough.

I’ve had the honour to work with this group of passionate and loving group of people who are committed to achieving great, extraordinary results in their lives and in the lives of others around them. We’ve worked together around the 4 crucial characteristics of leadership for the past 13 weeks. Numerous incredible experiences have been generated from the results they’ve accomplished in their lives, week after week. They’ve made one thing very clear: Leaders are made, not born.

So, master the 4 crucial characteristics of leadership and you will well be on your way to becoming a great leader.

Be blessed.

Cheanu Chew

Source: The 4 Crucial Characteristics of Leadership is the original work of Jim Poulos, President of Bridgestar Consulting. I have personally attended leadership programs taught by his wife Kelly Poulos at Asiaworks Training.

Dying Professor’s Last Lecture

Cheanu — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 07:45:23 +0000

Dying professor, Dr. Randy Pausch knows he is dying. This video will leave you thinking when it’s over. Take 10 minutes of your time to watch it. It would do us all some good.

Click here to view the embedded video.