Cheanu's Official Blog » fulfilment

Is Your Comfort Zone Killing You?

Cheanu — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 11:33:12 +0000

Have you ever noticed how the thermostat works?

When you have set the desired thermal range and the temperature in the room approaches the edge of your desired thermal range, the thermostat sends an electrical signal to the air-conditioner to turn it on or off. As the temperature in the room begins to change, the electrical signals continue to respond to the changes and keep the temperature within the desired range.

Eventually, the room temperature always remains at the thermal range you have set.

Your comfort zone works the same way too.

But instead of electrical signals, your internal performance regulator uses discomfort signals to keep you within your comfort zone. In fact, you have an internal psychological thermostat that regulates your level of performance in the world—and governs everything you do, want and have.

Think of your comfort zone as a prison—a large, self-created prison.

It consists of the collection of can’ts, don’ts, musts, must nots and other disempowering and limiting beliefs formed from all the negative thoughts and decisions you have accumulated and reinforced during your lifetime.

As your behaviour or performance begins to approach the edge of that zone, you begin to feel uncomfortable. To avoid the discomfort, you unconsciously pull yourself back into your comfort zone.

Some people are comfortable as long as they have $1,000 in their savings account. Some are uncomfortable unless they have 6 months’ income put aside (say, $24,000). Still, some are comfortable with no savings at all plus a credit card debt of $25,000!
Some people are comfortable with staying in a budget inn when they go travelling. Some are only comfortable with a 3-star hotel or above. Some are only comfortable staying in a 5-star or above.
Some people are comfortable with long hair. Some are comfortable with short hair. There are also some who are totally uncomfortable with no hair!
Some people are uncomfortable with being late, but we all know there are some who are totally comfortable with being late.

When you are not comfortable with the way things are, you will do something about it. You will request for a better arrangement, demand for a replacement, negotiate, bargain… anything. You will do something about it.

The fact that you have never done something about it shows that you have already conditioned yourself to be OK with what is. For so many times, we have sold ourselves short, tolerated with mediocrity in life, accepted a lower standard than what we deserve… convincing ourselves that “it’s OK”.

Here’s an example:

A salesperson had a goal to present his services to at least 3 prospects a day. If he upheld his thermostat at that level, he would be comfortable as long as he had presented to 3 people on any given day. If he had not presented to 3 people by evening, he would probably go meet people at night just to be comfortable with his goal. Likewise, if he had met 3 people in the morning, he would probably slack off for the entire day.

Let’s say he had a colleague, who didn’t stand firm on his thermostat and accepted mediocrity as his standard. He also had a goal to present to 3 people a day. One day, he was only able to meet 2 people by the end of the day. He then told himself, “It’s OK. 2 is better than none. It’s still not bad.” That moment, he had allowed himself to accept something less than he wanted to achieve. Soon, he would be comfortable with just meeting 2, 1 or no prospects on any given day. When he had been accustomed to that new but low standard for himself, it then becomes harder for him to reset his standard back to meeting 3 people a day as that would become uncomfortable for him for it is outside of his comfort zone.

Therefore, we must always be aware of the comfort zone we have unconsciously set for ourselves for all areas of our life. If you’re not happy with the way things are in your life, do something about it. Don’t let fear pin you down to inaction. Start doing something… anything. Just get up and get going.

You only have one life.
Make it the best you’ve ever had.

Our Time On Earth

Cheanu — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 03:44:45 +0000

I recently read a story about life and priorities. It’s a story of a ham radio operator who one day overheard an older gentleman giving advice to a younger man on the air.

“It’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much,” he said. “Let me tell you something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities. You see, one day I sat down and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and came up with 3,900, which is the number of Sundays that the average person has in his lifetime.

“It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail,” he continued, “and by that time I had lived through over 2,800 Sundays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.”

He went on to explain that he bought 1,000 marbles and put them in a clear plastic container in his favourite work area at home. “Every Sunday since then,” he said, “I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There’s nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.”

Then the older gentleman finished, “Now let me tell you one last thought before I sign off and take my lovely wife out to breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Sunday, then I have been given a little extra time.”

We can’t choose whether we will get any more time, but we can choose what we do with it. You write your own destiny. Make the most of the time and talent that God gives you.

What Is Your Life Metaphor?

Cheanu — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:54:35 +0000

What is a metaphor? Whenever we explain or communicate a concept by likening it to something else, we are using a metaphor.

We must be very careful about the metaphors we allow ourselves to use. Be careful of the metaphors that other people offer you as well.We must take charge of our metaphors, not just to avoid the problem metaphors, but so that we can adopt the empowering metaphors as well.

The scary part is that most of us have never consciously selected the metaphors with which we represent things to ourselves. Where did you get your metaphors? You probably picked them up from people around you, from your parents, teachers, co-workers and friends. Have you ever thought of the impact these metaphors has on you? Have the metaphors just became a habit?

For years, people asked me what it was I did exactly. At various times I tried different metaphors—”I’m a teacher,” “I’m a student,” “I’m a hunter of human excellence,” “I’m a speaker,” I’m a national best-selling author,” “I’m a peak performance consultant,” “I’m a therapist,” “I’m a counselor”—but none of them conveyed the right feeling. People gave me plenty of metaphors. I was known by many in the media as a “guru.” This is a metaphor I avoided because I felt that the presupposition that went with it was that people were dependent upon me to create their change—which would never empower them. Since I believe that we all must be responsible for our own change, I avoided this metaphor.

One day, though, I finally got it. “I’m a coach,” I thought. What is a coach? To me, a coach is a person who is your friend, someone who really cares about you. A coach is committed to helping you be the best that you can be. A coach will challenge you, not let you off the hook. Coaches have knowledge and experience because they’ve been there before. They aren’t any better than the people they are coaching (this took away my need to have to be perfect for the people I was “teaching”). In fact, the people they coach may have natural abilities superior to their own. But because coaches have concentrated their power in a particular area for years, they can teach you one or two distinctions that can immediately transform your performance in a matter of moments.

Sometimes coaches can teach you new information, new strategies and skills; they show you how to get measurable results. Sometimes a coach doesn’t even teach you something new, but they remind you of what you need to do at just the right moment, and they push you to do it. I thought, “What I truly am is a success coach. I help to coach people on how to achieve what they really want more quickly and more easily.” And everyone needs a coach, whether it’s a top-level executive, a graduate student, a homemaker, a homeless person, or the president of the United States! As soon as I started using this metaphor, it immediately changed the way I felt about myself. I felt less stressed, more relaxed; I felt closer to people. I didn’t have to be “perfect” or “better”. I began to have more fun, and my impact on people multiplied many-fold.

—Anthony Robbins

Source: Awaken The Giant Within (Anthony Robbins)

What I “Saw” At The Graveyard

Cheanu — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:04:43 +0000

I just came back from paying respect to my ancestors. This is the time of the year when we get together with our fellow family members to pay respect to our ancestors. It’s called the “Qing Ming” Festival.

Today, I had a different experience from all those times I visited the grave in the past years.

As I looked at the huge graveyard, I saw hundreds or tombstones. They are all different in colour, design and size. But there’s one thing that is common. Each one represents a deceased person. Each represents someone who had once lived—someone who had once written a story called “My Life”.

I was thinking to myself: How did they look like when they were alive? What kind of persons were they? How did they live their lives? Did they struggle financially or did they live a carefree lifestyle? Were they once young, ambitious and energetic youngsters too? Did they enjoy what they were doing in life? What kind of dreams did they have back then?

And the question that stood out among the rest that struck my mind was: Did they bury together with them their unaccomplished dreams, their unattained goals, their passion, their ambition, their dignity and their self-worth?

I “saw” a new perspective towards life.

Life indeed is a journey. This journey is unique as it’s a single-way journey. There’s no “U-turn”, there’s no “Reverse” gear (or “Rewind”); there’s no “Pause”, no “Fast Forward”. Life is just that journey. That unique journey. In fact, you have only one chance to live through this journey—no second chances.

Imagine if there is a gigantic satellite camera that captures every single moment of your life in great detail, with narrations of what you were thinking at any moment, from the day you were born until today. All these pieces will be put together to compile a movie called “[Your Name]: My Life” with you being the main character. This movie will be broadcasted to the world after you exhaled your last breath. What kind of comment, feedback and/or review would you want to get for this movie of yours? How do you want to be remembered? Would you have made a difference in the world or impacted the lives of the people around you that your movie will be played over and over again to impact more lives, long after you’ve passed on?

Seriously, how would you like to be remembered? How would people describe you and your life? Really, take some time to think about it. How would your “movie” end?

As the famous Dr. Stephen R. Covey put it wisely: “Begin with the end in mind.” And as the saying goes, “If you know how you want to die, you’d know how to live.”

The good news is: you’re still alive and the film is still rolling to capture the rest of your life. In fact, you are the director, producer, main character and scriptwriter of this movie. How will the story go from here?

You take it from here.

Don’t be a “walking dead” who merely exists in this world without a purpose in life. Life—just like any event—has a beginning and an end. What happens in between is up to you to put meaning to it. Give your life one great meaning. What would it mean in the future that you once lived in this world? Are you going to be remembered as a warrior who fights for your own destiny or a weakling who submits to the circumstances in life? You have every right to choose the kind of life you want to live and how it’s going to end. You know you have the unlimited potential to realise your dreams in this life. What’s more urgent is that you get to live this life just once. One life, one chance. All you need to do is to make a DECISION to take control over the rest of the “movie” and start shaping your destiny.

“It is in your moment of decision that your destiny is shaped.”—Anthony Robbins

I wish you true success and freedom; to live life with great dignity and passion.

Be blessed.

The Magic Of Thinking Big

Cheanu — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 02:59:26 +0000

There is magic in thinking big. But it is so easy to forget. When you hit some rough spots there is danger that your thinking will shrink in size. And when it does, you lose.

Below are some brief guides for staying big when you’re tempted to use the small approach.

Perhaps you’ll want to put these guides on small cards for even handier reference.

(A) When Little People Try to Drive You Down, THINK BIG.

To be sure, there are some people who want you to lose, to experience misfortune, to be reprimanded. But these people can’t hurt you if you’ll remember three things:

You win when you refuse to fight petty people. Fighting little people reduces you to their size. Stay big.
Expect to be sniped at. It’s proof you’re growing.
Remind yourself that snipers are psychologically sick. Be Big. Feel sorry for them.

Think Big Enough to be immune to attacks of petty people.

(B) When That “I-Haven’t-Got-What-It-Takes” Feeling Creeps Up On You, THINK BIG.

Remember: if you think you are weak, you are. If you think you’re inadequate, you are. If you think you’re second-class, you are. Whip that natural tendency to sell yourself short with these tools:

Look important. It helps you think important. How you look on the outside has a lot to do with how you feel on the inside.
Concentrate on your assets. Build a sell-yourself-on-yourself commercial and use it. Learn to supercharge yourself. Know your positive self.
Put other people in proper perspective. The other person is just another human being, so why be afraid of him?

Think Big Enough to see how good you really are!

(C) When an Argument or Quarrel Seems Inevitable, THINK BIG.

Successfully resist the temptation to argue and quarrel by:

Asking yourself, “Honestly now, is this thing really important enough to argue about?”
Reminding yourself, you never gain anything from an argument but you always lose something.

Think Big Enough to see that quarrels, arguments, feuds and fusses will never help you get where you want to go.

(D) When You Feel Defeated, THINK BIG.

It is not possible to achieve large success without hardships and setbacks. But it is possible to live the rest of your life without defeat. Big thinkers react to setbacks this way:

Regard the setback as a lesson. Learn from it. Research it. Use it to propel you forward. Salvage something from every setback.
Blend persistence with experimentation. Back off and start afresh with a new approach.

Think Big Enough to see that defeat is a state of mind, nothing more.

(E) When Romance Starts to Slip, THINK BIG.

Negative, petty, “She’s-(He’s)-unfair-to-me-so-I’ll-get-even” type of thinking slaughters romance, destroys the affection that can be yours. Do this when things aren’t going right in the love department:

Concentrate on the biggest qualities in the person you want to love you. Put little things where they belong—in second place.
Do something special for your mate—and do it often.

Think Big Enough to find the secret to marital joys.

(F) When You Feel Your Progress on the Job is Slowing Down, THINK BIG.

No matter what you do and regardless of your occupation, higher status, higher pay comes from one thing: Increasing the quality and quantity of your output. Do this:

Think: “I can do better.” The best is not unattainable. There is room for doing everything better. Nothing in this world is being done as well as it could be. And when you think, “I can do better,” ways to do better will appear. Thinking “I can do better” switches on your creative power.

Think Big Enough to see that if you put service first, money takes care of itself.

Source: The Magic of Thinking Big (Dr. David J. Schwartz, Ph.D.)

You Deserve A Second Chance

Cheanu — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 09:51:02 +0000

Almost everyone started studying for a particular profession at age 18-20.

90% of them chose to work at the profession that they studied for. And 90% of those 90% continue working in that particular profession without feeling satisfied with their career.

Why? The reason is that most people don’t work out of their own passion. They work because of money. While money can solve most of their financial problems, they don’t feel satisfied because there is no happiness in their lives. There’s no sense of fulfilment in their lives.

I studied for accountancy when I was 16 years old. After I graduated from high school, I went straight to pursue my diploma in accountancy and then my ACCA professional degree. I ended up working as an accountant at age 23.

I started to look at the lifestyle of my bosses who were at the top of the career path that I was pursuing. It didn’t impress me at all. They still had to work their lives off with even more commitment and responsibilities, that comes with greater overtime and over the weekend working. I understood that if I were to continue working my life off, I’d have lost my life, my time, my friends, my health and eventually having a lifestyle that didn’t impress me at all! After 18 months of working my life off, I’ve decided to take a second look at my career, and ultimately my destiny.

I realized that my decision to work as an accountant was based on my past education—I studied for accountancy. As I looked deeper into it, I realized that my past decision to study for accountancy was based on two things: a) my high school teacher thought that I had a potential in accountancy because of my good grades in accountancy back then; and b) a diploma in accountancy was one of the cheaper options among all professional qualifications—and my family was not doing well financially, back then.

Of course, as I was more matured and more aware of the real world out there, I could make a better and clearer decision than when I was just 18 and decided to study for accountancy. I’ve made a move to leave the accountancy industry—and I eventually left the whole employment industry. The great feeling of satisfaction and fulfilment is beyond words as I wake up in the morning, not feeling pressured and obliged to report to work and getting stuck in doing things which are out of alignment with my passion in life.

On the other hand, being able to wake up and enjoy life with time freedom on my side is a blessing. I’d like to help others who want a way out from their unsatisfied daily routine. I want to see a world full of free men and women who are able to live their lives to the fullest, to pursue their own passion in life.

Give yourself a second chance. You are matured enough today to re-evaluate the life path you’ve had set forth for yourself yesterday. Go towards your passion. You will live a life of satisfaction and fulfilment.

It’s a big beautiful world out there. You don’t want to stay stuck in one spot in an office for a few decades without realizing how much you have not experienced, discovered and explored in this life.

What are your dreams? You only have one life. Why not realize your dreams in this life?